How and Why to Sit with Emotions

Why Avoiding Emotions Doesn’t Work

When strong, uncomfortable emotions show up, it can feel natural to avoid, ignore, or try to fix them. After all, that’s how we deal with many challenges in our environment, and those strategies often work. You might avoid a traffic jam, ignore a rude comment, or fix a broken chair.

It makes sense that we want to move away from uncomfortable feelings too. But here’s the problem: Emotions aren’t external events to dodge or repair—they live within us. They show up to send us signals about our environment, our needs, and our values. When we don’t listen, the messages don’t go away; they usually get louder.

What It Means to “Sit With” an Emotion

Sitting with our emotions simply means making space for them. This can sound intimidating; many people fear that if they make room for their feelings, they will be overwhelmed or consumed.

But the only way to move past uncomfortable emotions is to move through them. And this doesn’t have to be dramatic or intense. It can happen slowly, gently, and in small steps.

Here are three practical steps that support emotional regulation and increase our capacity to tolerate and understand difficult feelings.

Step 1 – Name It to Tame It

Giving a name to a feeling helps us begin to understand it. If you’re unsure what you’re feeling, that’s okay, start with your best guess. A “feelings wheel” can be a helpful tool if you’re not used to identifying emotions.

There is no right or wrong answer. Emotional awareness builds with practice, and over time it will become easier.

Step 2 – Allow It (Without Judgement)

When it comes to emotions, that which we resist persists. Allowing an emotion doesn’t mean liking it or agreeing with it. It simply means letting it exist long enough for you to understand it.

You might say something like:

• It’s okay to feel sad because I lost something important to me.

• It’s okay to feel angry because someone hurt me.

• It’s okay to feel jealous because that’s something I wanted for myself.

• It’s okay to feel embarrassed because I think I made a mistake.

• It's okay to feel grumpy because I'm tired.

• It’s okay to feel, because I’m human.

Validating your emotional experience supports nervous system regulation and helps reduce the intensity of the feeling.

Step 3 – Get Curious About the Message

You’ve made space and offered some validation. Now explore the message a little more.

You can ask yourself: Is it true? Is it helpful? And if so, how do I want this feeling to guide my actions?

For example:

• If it’s true that you’ve lost something important; do you want to replace it, or take time to grieve?

• If it’s true that someone hurt you; do you want to assert a boundary, report a crime, or request an apology?

• If it’s true that you messed up; do you want to try again, or change direction?

  
  

Sometimes emotions are false alarms or echoes from the past that don’t require action today. But we can only recognise that when we create space to check in with them. You might ask:

What triggered this feeling today?

Does this remind me of something familiar?

Emotions can’t tell us exactly what to do—they aren’t detailed enough for that. We decide how to act. But if we listen, they can guide us toward what matters most, even when it feels uncomfortable.

When Sitting With Emotions Feels Too Hard

If exploring your emotions feels overwhelming, confusing, or frightening, you’re not alone. Many people find emotional work easier and safer with the support of a therapist.

Therapy offers a compassionate, steady space to:

• build emotional regulation skills

• understand triggers

• strengthen boundaries

• heal old patterns

• connect with what truly matters to you

  
  

Support With Your Emotional Wellbeing

If you’d like help learning to sit with your emotions and understand the messages they carry, therapy can offer guidance, structure, and support.

If you would like to explore therapy, please feel welcome to get in touch or book a compatibility call.